The August Blues

Isn’t it funny how things can seem to be going along fairly well and then all of a sudden you are blindsided by some crap or the other and that little house of cards you had built all comes crashing down. Well late-July and into August has been like that for me.

I have come to hate, and I am not just talking dislike but hate, hearing the platitudes “there are plenty more fish in the sea”, “if we were meant to look backwards we would have eyes in the back of our head”, “breaking up is hard to do” etc, etc, etc. I mean come on, and I am sure we have all been there, but are these things really meant to help, or are they just little mantras that everyone else weaves around themselves while silently giving thanks that it isn’t them feeling like shit.

That is really harsh I know, and the more lucid side of me (i.e. the one that hasn’t downed most of a bottle of red – or is the side that knows what side of his bread is buttered???) really doesn’t think that, and is totally grateful to those who have suffered through the anguished calls at all manner of the day and night, but right now it is the Demon Vine that is punching (most of) the keys…

Just for those who haven’t read between the lines, I spent much of the month dealing with a break up – and it sucks. I am not looking for sympathy or condolence (…well all right, perhaps just a little) I am just venting a whole lot of crap that has been hanging round impacting quite heavily on my positive vibe.

Work is also moving into a tougher vibe, the the departure of my manager last week was very crap. I was hoping for a little more mentoring from a manager I finally respected…does that say more about my managers or the high standards I set for them… hmmm. Anyway, she left off on Friday and to deal the the acting manager, who can barely cope - let alone manage i got horribly drunk and paid for it all of Saturday. My own foray into management challenges are turning out to be more trouble than they paid me for, and I am now just about ready to give one staff member her marching orders, but due to the afore mentioned changeover of my management, the potential to rid myself of that poisonous creature has been severely impacted upon.

CURRENTLY READING: I cant go past my recent BookClub read, “My Sisters Keeper” by Jodi Picoult. It is a stunningly good book. A little contrived toward the end, but my god did it pluck the old emotions like a harp. It is basically the story of a girl conceived specifically to provide a match for a stem cell or umbilical cord blood transplant for her sister. Sadly she becomes an inadvertent organ factory for her and when her parents come knocking for a kidney, she says Enough! It is one of the best books I have read all year. Admittedly I was in a heightened emotional state for much of the read, but I still feel that it is one of the better reads of 2005, and after all it is getting to that point of the year where one must turn their attention to “best of” lists.

CURRENTLY LISTENING: Breaking up my be hard to do, but it seems that I have been grooming my CD collection to do it for most of my adult life (one I got rid of RuPaul and M People that is). If anyone ever wants me to compile a “Best songs to break up to” compilation (al la “High Fidelity” – book/movie) I don’t think that you can go past what I can offer. But surprisingly, the morose and melancholy has been beaten by an interesting little album leant to me by my work buddy Bev. “Lovage – Music to make love to your old lady to” by Dan the Automator (Gorillaz, Handsome Boy Modelling School). It is a bizarre, a little bit sexy and a lot irreverent, but totally cool and well worth a listen too. After I got over depressing heartbreak music, it put a bit of bounce back in my step, but then I had to give it back… and here I am drinking red wine alone on a Friday night… Meanwhile my mother thinks to herself “Where did I go wrong?”

CURRENTLY WATCHING: I havent been to the cinema for a goodly while, so sadly i cant say what flicks have bathed the old retnas, but i can say in my defence that i got along and check out some fantastic live music. Architecture in Helsinki, an inspiringly kooky group (in the true sense of the word - there is about eight of them) from the streets of Melbourne put on a fantastic show last weekend for me....oh and about 300 other faithful. I have been waiting to see them for over two years and i can say that they were definately worth it.

Big thanks to Stan the Man who, despite clogging my inbox with 4meg of files has further whetted my appetite for my upcoming journeys through south central Asia. Stan, those pics are awesome, there are a few I would love to get in sone sort of high res capacity and print out at a decent size…hmmm, we will talk…

Happy birthday to my Pop (or to use the Finnish, Papa) who recently celebrated his 80th birthday by pruning a few almond trees and then spraying his rather popular vines… I should be so lucky to get to that age and be doing that, I don’t even do that now, so why would I think I would be doing it at 80?

Cheerio, and as Yass said in their late 80’s hit; “the only way is up, baby”

Life in Interesting Times

May you live in interesting times... - That is the curse, don't wear it out.

But what is it like living in interesting times? Well for me it depends on the day of the week, the phases of the moon, the alignment of the planets, what side of the bed I got out of and whether or not I had a tasty apple for breakfast.

Sometimes it is great, sometimes it isn't. Right now it isn't. But I am learning that noting is fixed. I am pretty sure that it will get better, then it will get worse, and then better, then worse, better, worse, better, worse...you get the idea. What I am also becoming aware off it stuff happens. Not necessarily for a reason, it just happens.

I don't want to get all fatalistic, and I am not suggesting that it is necessarily bad...or good, it just is. I think it is how we deal with it that defines it, and then are we looking at an isolated event or seeing it is part of a continuum of stuff that happens?

My god, give me a relationship difficulty and I can give you a philosophy PhD.

This blog is to track my ups and downs as I navigate through these interesting times I tend to find myself in. Is it a curse or a blessing? I don't know, but if you work it out, don't give it away... you will ruin the best bit.